


The Art of Pretending

by CallMeHopeless, whateverdude



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Coffee Shops & Cafés, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Fluff and Angst, It's got a happy ending I promise, Light Angst, M/M, Merlin writes stories, Misunderstandings, Modern AU, Modern Setting, Pretending, Writing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-14
Updated: 2018-10-11
Packaged: 2019-03-04 20:28:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 17,639
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13372464
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CallMeHopeless/pseuds/CallMeHopeless, https://archiveofourown.org/users/whateverdude/pseuds/whateverdude
Summary: Merlin attempts to write a novel but fails miserably when it comes to writing about love. Cue Arthur who is there to show him and fails miserably. But it isn't in Arthur's nature to give up.





	1. Chapter 1: The Beginning

Merlin knew he was a walking cliché. He had to accept that a while ago. Now he totally owned it. Sitting in his favourite independent coffee shop, sipping a caramel latte. Okay, he would have to work a bit on being a _total_ cliché but he simply didn't like black coffee. What was the point if you could have the coffee but with the rich sweetness of sugar and milk? Anyways, back to Merlin being a total cliché.

He pushed up his thick rimmed glasses with his index finger and pulled his artfully tousled hair in frustration. He was currently writing a novel (about a love triangle in a dystopian universe. Plot twist: All three participants of the love triangle are boys) and didn't know how to continue with the currently blooming romance. At least it was supposed to bloom. Merlin had no freaking clue how to write about that. After all, he didn't have any experience himself.

_And I never will have_ , he thought sadly. He tapped his fingers against the keyboard of his laptop without really typing. Silently, he read the last paragraph that he had just written. His lips moved as if he would read the words out loud – a habit he picked up as a kid and he hadn't been able to shake it in the past... twenty-one years, give or take. His brow furrowed as he stared at his text.

“Bollocks, complete and utter shit,” he mumbled under his breath and started to delete character after character before sighing.

He was just about to start writing again, before the chair in front of him scraped on the floor and a guy sat down, grinning at him. Merlin was confused. Also mesmerised because Jesus Christ that guy was gorgeous. He actually _knew_ how to artfully tousle hair. He had twinkling blue eyes and a blinding smile. Merlin wanted to snap at him, one _could_ ask if a seat was taken after all, but he found his lips wouldn't move. Instead, the blonde in front of him grinned even wider.

“So look,” he started and the sound of his voice made Merlin feel things he didn't know he could feel.

“I have been watching you,” he stopped. Blushed, shook his head.

“Not watching, watching you but just... you know,” he gesticulated widely and all Merlin could manage was to arch one of his eyebrows in disbelief. He really did hope that it had the desired effect: irritated and totally above the conversation.

“Anyway,” he beautiful bloke continued, “you have been sitting here staring at your laptop not writing for a while now and you look positively helpless so I figured I'd just come over and offer my help.”

Merlin didn't know how long he just stared at him before he simply asked:

“Your... help?”

The blonde blushed again and suddenly all Merlin wanted to do was describe it in detail and include him in his story. Maybe he could completely change one of the protagonists?

The guy nodded.

“I mean I have no idea what you are writing but I was guessing Uni work, yeah? And I thought, Arthur I thought, you're decent with Uni work, go over and offer the cute guy some help.”

Merlin's ears were ringing. Cute. He had called him cute. Instead of answering, the only thing he said was:

“Novel, actually.”

Arthur's, the guy had said his name was, eyes widened.

“You're writing a novel? That is _so_ cool!”

Merlin simply nodded, suddenly feeling slightly embarrassed.

“What is it about?” Arthur took the chair and placed it directly next to Merlin's. Completely unabashedly, he stared at Merlin's screen which made Merlin itch to close his laptop immediately. The proximity to the bloke however, temporarily made Merlin lose all his senses and so he just let it be. If Merlin thought the guy looked good, it was nothing compared to how he smelled. Like a walking Abercrombie & Fitch advert. Just much, much better looking.

Quickly, Arthur scanned the text that was visible on the screen.

“Aw,” he finally breathed.

“This is so cute, those two are in love, yeah? Tom and Sebastian? Posh name, by the way... _Sebastian_.”

Merlin's jaw hardened. He was definitely not ready to show his work to... well, anyone really. Least of all this very random bloke he has never met before. And he definitely didn't need said bloke to mock him for his name selection.

“Well, yes,” he finally started before shutting his mouth. Arthur turned to looked at him curiously.

“Well, yes, what?”

Merlin shrugged.

“I don't know how to go from there,” he murmured, gesticulating at the screen.

Arthur knitted his brows together in concentration.

“Normally, I would suggest that Tom asks Sebastian out.”

Merlin closed his eyes for a second. Yes, that is probably what _everyone_ would suggest. But how does one ask someone else out? What to say? What to do? Should they kiss first or after? Who should ask who out? So many questions and Merlin didn't know the answer to a single one.

“Well,” Arthur leaned back in his chair, stretching himself before continuing:

“Just write from personal experience? How do you ask people out? How have you been asked out?” he snorted. “Just think of the ones you said yes to, I don't think weird suggestive propositions would work on Sebastian to be honest.”

When Merlin didn't reply or say anything at all really, Arthur looked over to where Merlin's eyes were fixed on his screen, his breathing was erratic and his cheeks coloured.

“Hello?” Arthur asked, trying to shake Merlin out of it.

“I don't know,” he finally whispered to which Arthur's reply was a very manly “huh?”.

Merlin just indicated his screen.

“I don't know. I don't have...” he stopped. Embarrassed. He had never been this embarrassed in his life. He closed his eyes and concentrated on his breathing. When he opened them again, he expected Arthur to look at him like he was weird – which, granted, he was a little bit. Instead, he met genuinely confused blue eyes.

“ _How?”_ Arthur finally asked and cleared his throat.

“You are freaking adorable, _how_ do you not have a ton of guys asking you out?”

“How do you know I want to be asked out by guys?” Merlin retorted. He didn't like this complete stranger making assumptions about him. Was it the way he dressed? He didn't even want to start to think about being called adorable, he could do that at home in the privacy of his bedroom where he could smile like a loon at the memory. Now was not the time to do that.

Arthur simply grinned.

“You are writing a love story between two guys, I made an educated guess.”

There it was again. The sinking feeling of complete embarrassment rushing through Merlin. He didn't trust himself to speak, so he just nodded. What was the guy even still doing here, he wondered. He  _must_ have had enough of him by now. 

“I could help you,” was the next thing Merlin heard and made him look up so quickly his neck made an unhealthy noise.

“How,” he squinted his eyes.

Suddenly, Arthur was back on his feet.

“They've just met each other, right?”

Merlin nodded slowly.

“So I'm going outside and when I come back in I will woo your socks off.”

Merlin had to giggle at that.

“Will you now?” he smirked. He hadn't even known that he had it in him to smirk.

Arthur's grin simply widened and he nodded.

“Yessir,” he turned to go but stopped in his tracks before turning back around.

“What's your name by the way? So I know who I'm going to do the woo-ing to?”

Merlin arched his eyebrow.

“Aren't you supposed to find that out once you've decided to... woo me?”

Arthur snickered.

“Well played Mr. I-have-no-experience. You're already better than you think,” he winked.

When he was outside the cafe, Merlin granted himself a second to breathe. And a two-second meltdown inside of his head.

What was he doing?

No, the even better, universal question was:

What?

 

 


	2. Chapter 2

As soon as Arthur was gone, Merlin closed his eyes and breathed in deeply. What was happening? Did a gorgeous man really just tell him he'd woo him? It would be fake and purely for the sake of his research of course but still. Merlin couldn't help but feel nervous. He didn't know the guy anyway! His train of thought was cut short when the little bell over the door rang and the man – Arthur, Merlin's head supplied – walked in. Merlin's stomach gave a short flutter at the sight. Arthur decidedly did not look in his direction but made his way to the counter. Confidence radiated off him in waves and Merlin was more than a little intimidated. While he waited for his order, Arthur's eyes roamed over the other coffee drinkers and finally landed on Merlin.

A small (but slightly predatory) smirk appeared on his face and once he was handed his coffee americano, he made his way over. Without asking, he sat down in front of Merlin and smiled.

“Hello beautiful.”

Merlin couldn't help but let out a bark of laughter.

“Really? That's the best you can do? 'Hello beautiful'?”

Arthur shrugged.

“You blushed a bit so I count this a victory for me.”

Merlin absolutely hated to admit it but Arthur was kind of right. As soon as the words had left Arthur's mouth, Merlin had felt the flutter again in his stomach.

So he did what was normal for a man in his situation, he simply shrugged.

“Alright, so what else have you got?”

Merlin hadn't noticed but Arthur had actually lost his confidence while actually talking to him but sat up straight again, predatory smirk well in place.

“How are you on this fine day?”

Merlin giggled again and gesticulated outside where it was raining cats and dogs.

“Really?”

Arthur rolled his eyes.

“It's not easy to chat you up, is it? Probably this is why you've never _experienced_ anything.”

Merlin blushed again and clenched his jaw. He really didn't have to remind him any chance he got.

“Prat,” Merlin mumbled under his breath and took a sip of his still warm beverage.

Arthur blushed in turn and just rubbed his hand over his face.

“I'm sorry, let's just start again, yeah? I'm Arthur.”

Merlin nodded, feeling much more relaxed now that Arthur seemed to be himself again in contrast to... whoever he was trying to be when he came back in.

“Merlin.”

Arthur nodded.

“I've blown it already, haven't I, Merlin?”

Merlin giggled.

“Depends on what you think you've blown.”

Arthur shrugged.

“Helping you with your story.”

Of course, Merlin nodded to himself. Arthur was just a bloke with too much time on his hands and decided to help out a sad, pathetic loser writing a book.

“I think in that case you're fine, they've already met.”

Arthur nodded seriously.

“Yes, that's right. So, asking the other out then.”

Merlin made an affirmative noise and stared at his laptop screen. Looking anywhere but at Arthur at this moment. He didn't even know why but a lump has settled itself firmly in Merlin's throat and he felt nervous now that Arthur had made it abundantly clear that he was in it for the story and most definitely not interested in Merlin himself.

 

How could he be? They've known each other for all of five minutes! Merlin shook his head absently. He really needed to succeed at one of these boyfriends scenarios someday, maybe that would make him less _desperate_ for _someone_. To be fair, he didn't think he would ever stop being desperate for someone as hot as Arthur. Not that he would admit that to anyone. Or properly to himself really and anyway, his desperation for love is the number one reason he writes fiction in the first place and...

 

Suddenly there was a hand in his face, waving about.

“Huh?” he asked eloquently and looked straight into Arthur's eyes. His very very beautiful blue eyes.

Arthur snickered softly. “You were miles away there, I thought I'd bring you back.”

“My hero,” Merlin murmured sarcastically. The grin on Arthur's face slid right off.

“Okay, look,” he started, face serious and eyes searching Merlin's face.

“I think this is fun. Helping you with your novel. I really want to do it. Will you please let me take you out?”

Merlin blinked at him several times.

“You... want to continue this? You want to actually meet up and continue this?”

Not really answering, Arthur jumped up from his chair and walked to the counter purposefully where he spoke to the barista. He came back triumphantly with a small slip of paper, where he messily scribbled something on.

“This is my number,” he finally said and slid the paper over to Merlin.

“If you want to go out please text me. If you don't text me, I'll just conclude that you think I'm weird and you don't want to do this – which is also fine, just... Think about it.”

With that, he stood up and walked out of the cafe, not looking back.

Good thing he didn't because Merlin's face had lost all of it's strength and has just gone slack with astonishment.

The words “take you out” echoed in his head and he held on to the paper for dear life.

Of course he wanted to see Arthur again. Of course he wanted to go out even if it was just for... practice? Of course he wanted to... but was he actually brave enough to make the next move?

 


	3. Chapter 3

Arthur's number burned a hole in Merlin's pocket for five whole days until he broke. He stared at the message he was about to send and shook his head. It read:

 

_Hi,_

  * _Merlin_




 

It was such a stupid message but Merlin had no idea what else to say. He couldn't write something along the lines of 'I have been thinking about you obsessively over the past five days and am nervous but please take me out and love me until we die and please please don't break my heart', now could he? Because he was. He was thinking about Arthur constantly which he blamed on his hormones. It was quite natural for a boy his age to want a boyfriend, was it not? It happened very randomly to him. Basically every time a cute boy was nice and Merlin was a goner. He knew it was weird, he knew he had to grow out of it. Besides, Arthur's advances weren't even real.

Not real.

Fake.

Not. Real.

He finally sent the text.

He put his phone away as to not obsess over the text and as to not wait for Arthur's reply but he had just put it down on his desk when the familiar sound indicated a new text.

 

_Hi :)_

_When can I take you out?_

  * _Arthur x_




 

Merlin stared at the text longer than he wanted to admit. What was he supposed to answer? _Okay_ , he thought to himself, _this is a very very weird bloke who does not know you and wants to fake-take you out for research for your book._ Merlin nodded. Suddenly most of his nervousness was gone. He opened up a new text and quickly replied:

 

_Whenever._

 

Another reply.

 

_Tomorrow night? 8? Meet at the coffee shop?_

 

Merlin grinned. At least he felt like he wasn't the eager one in this... constellation. He quickly agreed before putting his phone away. They were just having coffee together. Nothing to be nervous about. Right?

 

________

  
Merlin being his absolute and utter self, arrived twenty minutes early at the shop and started rubbing his hands together. He was glad that he hadn't decided on the date-y dress shirt but instead wore his very comfortable yet classy dark blue sweater. Which – incidently – was very warm. He looked at his phone and sighed. Still fifteen minutes to go. From the corner of his eyes, he saw a car coming to a halt next to him. Brilliant. Just what he'd needed. He was horrible at giving directions so he pretended to not notice the car and play with his phone instead. He got slightly nervous when the car door opened and the driver made his way over to him. At first, all Merlin could see were trouser legs and what looked like expensive shoes. Slowly, he looked up and took in the well-tailored suit until he reached...

“Arthur?”

The blonde grinned at him triumphantly.

“Hi, Merlin,” he smirked.

“Ready to go?”

Merlin's eyes travelled to the car and back to Arthur. Then he turned to look at the coffee shop.

“But... I thought...” he stammered.

Arthur waved a hand dismissively.

“Nah, can't take you to have coffee for your first date, now can I.”

He walked over to the car and opened the door to the passenger seat, smiling softly.

“After you,” he said and indicated that Merlin should take a seat.

Slowly he did as he was told and slid (elegantly!) into the seat. Arthur made sure that all of Merlin's limbs and possessions where actually in the car before closing the door gently and taking his own seat and smiling at Merlin once more.

Merlin cleared his throat.

“You know, if you'd told me we were doing something fancier than the coffee shop, I would have worn something more...” he trailed off and indicated his sweater.

Arthur laughed.

“Merlin, if this were a real date I would tell you right about now how beautiful you look,” he didn't look at Merlin while saying it but instead focused on turning on the car and starting to drive.

Merlin's ears grew hot. He didn't know what to do with a comment like that. Instead, he decided to ask where they were going to which of course he did not get an answer.

 

They stopped ten (silent and awkward) minutes later in front of an Italian restaurant that Merlin recognised as one of the student hot spots because of their cheap pizza. He huffed in amusement. And here he thought that he would actually have to remember which fork to use.

He climbed out of the car and shot Arthur a relieved look.

 

Together they walked into the restaurant where dozens of uni students sat and laughed in their jeans and t-shirts and Merlin instantly didn't feel so out of place anymore.

They had to wait for a couple of minutes while their table was cleared of already used plates and glasses. Merlin looked at Arthur feeling more and more content by the second.

“Nice place you picked,” he commented.

Arthur nodded, “Thank you, Merlin. I appreciate your approval.”

Merlin bit his lip in order to not grin too wide. He couldn't believe this was happening. When they were called to their table, Arthur even adjusted Merlin's chair before sitting down himself.

“Always the gentleman,” Merlin commented while letting his eyes roam over the one page of laminated menu.

Arthur grinned. He suddenly put his menu down and ran his hand through his hair in obvious discomfort. He grimaced.

“Is this awkward?”

Merlin looked up.

“What? Me and you having a fake date in order for me to learn how dating works so I can write about it? Very, very much,” he agreed solemnly.

Arthur nodded.

“Yeah, I do feel it too. How about...” he loosened his tie, eyes fixed on Merlin.

“How about we take the pizza to go and go back to my place and have a series marathon instead?”

Merlin raised one eyebrow.

“We've not eaten yet and you're already suggesting Netflix and Chill?”

Merlin didn't think he had ever seen someone turn so red before.

Arthur coughed.

“No, Merlin. I am suggesting being a bit more casual...” he groaned and buried his face in his hands.

Merlin found it more endearing than he would like to admit. He softly smiled at Arthur.

“You okay?”

Arthur made a non-committal sound from the back of his throat.

“I'm usually not like this.”

Merlin laughed whole heartedly.

“Like what?”

Arthur glared at Merlin from between his fingers.

“Bumbling. Unsure. Nervous...”

“Why are you nervous?”

A waiter interrupted them then, asking what they would like and Merlin simply ordered two large pizzas to go. Mushrooms for him, peperoni for Arthur (took just a good minute of coaxing on Merlin's part to figure that out).

After the waiter left, Arthur sighed.

“I don't know, I have never done this before.”

“I thought you were the date master,” Merlin grinned.

“Not with the fake ones.”

It stung. Merlin constantly forgot how this was supposed to be fake. Fake pleasantries, fake smiles, fake friendliness.

He nodded.

“How about we each take our pizza to our own place and accept this as a fake experiment?” he finally asked, voice thick with something he couldn't quite place.

“No!”

Merlin didn't know what to reply to that.

Arthur sat upright and placed his hands in front of him.

“I'm sorry Merlin, no, I would like to do this very much. I... I think us two could become great friends and I really want to help you with this.”

Merlin nodded.

“You know, we could be friends without you pretending to date me for my novel,” he looks at a very uninteresting spot on the wall pretending it's the best thing he's ever seen.

“I mean you could still help me. Telling me about your past first dates and... stuff,” he finished lamely.

Arthur looked at him with an unreadable expression on his face.

“So what do we do now?” he finally asked just as the waiter placed their food on their table. Merlin thanked him, picked them up and made his way to the exit.

“For starters, we are going to your place.”

 


	4. Chapter 4

For some reason, Merlin felt better after he'd decided that he and Arthur should just be friends. He felt in control. More comfortable around the other boy. So comfortable in fact, that Arthur very quickly became his most called number in his phone. Merlin liked it. They saw each other fairly often and sometimes went out of their way to make time for the other. Merlin noticed however, that Arthur hadn't yet dropped his flirty demeanour completely. Which sometimes caught Merlin off guard. But he decided that just ignoring flirty banter was his best bet.

Not that he was complaining because... Arthur was amazing after all.

Merlin had thought that all that pretend business was over and done with. Until he was invited to a party by Gwaine.

Merlin liked Gwaine... had more than liked him at one point. He even thought that there was something between them for a little while. Until Gwaine met Elena – a beautiful if a bit clumsy girl he was head over heels for and Merlin had to realise that there had never even been a spark from Gwaine's side.

He sat in his favourite café and stared at the Facebook invitation for a long while before sighing.

“What's wrong?”

Merlin's head spun around but Arthur was already leaning over his shoulder, reading.

“Oh, a party invitation!” he buddy-punched Merlin lightly.

“And here I thought you didn't have any friends,” he grinned, eyes twinkling with amusement.

Merlin wasn't in the mood for friendly banter and sighed once more.

“It's complicated...”

Arthur sat down in front of him, nursing a fresh cup of steaming hot coffee.

“How so?”

Nervously, Merlin ran a hand through his hair.

“I had _the worst_ crush on the guy and haven't spoken to him since I met his... girlfriend. We were pretty good mates before that thought, so he must have noticed that something was up and oh god,” Merlin buried his face in his hands, “He must have known how much I liked him.”

Arthur was silent for a moment.

“Do you still?” he asked in a small voice.

“Huh?”

“Like him? Do you still like him?”

Merlin shook his head.

“Oh no, I got over my pathetic little crush a long time ago... but I just... no. I would feel way too awkward around them.”

He got back to reading and re-reading the invitation, scanning it for any reservedness or awkwardness on Gwaine's part. He couldn't find any.

“What if you didn't go alone?”

Without looking up, Merlin answered:

“Thank you Arthur but I'm pretty sure you wouldn't enjoy it too much seeing as you're not really a party person,” he looked up quickly to shoot Arthur a tight-lipped smile.

“I'm not asking for me, Merlin, I'm suggesting we go together. Together together.”

That made Merlin look up again and even close his laptop.

“Are you on the pretending thing again?”

Arthur shrugged.

“Why not. Can't be worse than the one time I tried to take you out, can it.”

Merlin thought for a second before laughing a short, shrill laugh.

“I suppose not, that was horrible.”

Arthur grinned at him.

“Stop it, I was trying so hard.”

Merlin shook his head, still smiling.

“And it got me absolutely nowhere. I ended up using your sister's first date story for my novel.”

Arthur nodded solemnly.

“Yes, don't ever tell her though or she'll want a dedication.”

Merlin pretended to sober up from his laughter and looked serious.

“No, we can't have that.”

Silence stretched out between them after that and Arthur took another sip of his coffee.

“So?”

“Mh?” Merlin had been staring at the pictures on the wall behind Arthur, still thinking about Gwaine.

“Let's go to that party?”

“As... boyfriends?” Merlin wanted to make sure that that was what Arthur had in mind.

He nodded.

“As boyfriends. I promise I'm a better boyfriend than a first date.”

Merlin laughed.

“That's not very hard, is it.”

He paused and nodded.

“Alright then, boyfriends. Jesus, Arthur, we have to get you a proper boyfriend you are so desperate for affection that you're constantly jumping at a chance to be pretending.”

Merlin shook his head in fond exasperation.

In the short time that he had known Arthur, he'd figured out that Arthur was all about the cuddling. He loved cheesy rom-coms to bits and even though he would never admit it but that was the kind of relationship he wanted. The cheesy, cuddly one everyone found disgustingly cute.

If Merlin hadn't chosen that moment to get up to get himself another beverage, he would have caught Arthur's blush and a mumbled:

“I'm not doing it with anyone else, you know...”

But Merlin was already gone. Arthur sighed.

Might as well. Pretend boyfriends was better than no boyfriends after all in his opinion.

 


	5. Chapter 5

Merlin fiddled nervously with the collar of his shirt. He had no idea why he'd said yes to Arthur's proposition. The only thing he did know was that Arthur's hand was burning on the small of his back and Merlin became more and more nervous the closer they got to the house.

They stood in front of the closed door for longer than was socially acceptable before Arthur actually rang the bell.

“It's going to be swell.”

Merlin didn't laugh which made Arthur nervous in turn because Merlin always laughed when he used words like 'swell'.

Merlin's breath hitched when the door opened and Gwaine greeted him with a tight hug.

“Merlin! I haven't seen you in forever,” he cried before embracing Merlin tightly.

When he released him, he turned to Arthur, big lopsided grin on his face.

“And you must be the young man who managed to weasel his way in our Merlin's heart,” he exclaimed and shook Arthur's hand enthusiastically.

“Well done, mate,” he directed at Merlin again and looked Arthur up and down.

“He's a fox!”

Still laughing, he turned around and led Arthur and Merlin into the house.

“Charming,” Arthur mumbled under his breath, feeling confused about what he should think of Gwaine. Confused about if what he was doing was the right way to do it. He cast a glance at Merlin who seemed much more confident after having seen Gwaine and Arthur couldn't help but feel a pang of jealousy. Would Merlin be more confident after a hug from him, too? He seriously doubted it.

“Can I get you a drink?”

Arthur snapped out of his thoughts to come face to face with a boy who smiled shyly at him.

“My name is Mordred by the way,” he continued.

“Uhm,” Arthur managed, feeling slightly overwhelmed. He hadn't even had time to hang up his coat for Christ' sake!

He saw Mordred look him up and down and his smile grew more confident.

Arthur turned around to look at Merlin but Merlin was talking to Gwaine animatedly. Arthur sighed.

“Look, Mordred, it's nice to meet you but I'm actually here with...,” he trailed off and pointed lamely at Merlin.

Mordred raised an eyebrow as if Arthur just told a decidedly unfunny joke.

“Him? You are here with _him_?”

That agitated Arthur to no end. How dare he?

“Yes,” he replied slowly and through gritted teeth.

Mordred stared at Merlin some more and then shrugged.

“He seems to be talking to someone else, though. So, drink?”

“I'll pass,” was all Arthur could manage. He could feel the anger rising in him at the boy's comment and he didn't know how to stop it.

Mordred nodded.

“Suit yourself,” he said and walked off.

When Arthur turned back to Merlin and Gwaine, Merlin had his hand on Gwaine's arm and laughed at something the older had said.

Maybe Arthur did need that drink after all.

 

He took a deep breath and walked over to the pair.

“Merlin,” he smiled while firmly placing his hand on Merlin's lower back, tracing small circles with his thumb. 

“Do you want a drink?”

He didn't notice how Merlin shivered slightly when Arthur leaned down to whisper in his ear as to make himself heard over the music.

He simply looked at him and nodded. Arthur took that as his cue to leave and wandered off in the direction of the kitchen.

When he looked back at Gwaine, the other was studying him intently.

“You really like that guy, don't you.”

Merlin shrugged.

“Well, yeah, I wouldn't have brought him otherwise,” he tried to sounded non-chalant. It really didn't work.

Gwaine nodded.

“I'm glad, he seems nice. Not many people can resist Mordred's charm, you know.”

Merlin smirked.

“You can resist Mordred's charm.”

Gwaine simply shrugged and grinned.

“That's because I'm straight.”

Merlin nodded and tried to see into the kitchen where he knew Mordred to be as well as Arthur.

Arthur could have been back by now, he mused. It didn't take that long to grab a beer, did it?

He noticed that Gwaine was speaking and that he hadn't listened to a word he had said.

“What?”

Gwaine laughed.

“Calm down, Arthur is obviously head over heels for you, he wouldn't start anything with Mordred.”

Merlin nodded. It was non of his business anyway. Arthur could do whatever he wanted.

He was about to say as much when he reminded himself that the two of them were supposed to be dating for the sake of him not looking too pathetic in front of Gwaine.

“It's just very new is all,” he decided to say, “I'm still not sure what he sees in me and...”

he didn't get any further because Arthur was suddenly there, jumping in and handing Merlin his beer.

“I'm sure Gwaine knows exactly what I see in you,” he started and put his arm around Merlin's waist protectively.

Gwaine laughed.

“Oi, mate, you have nothing to worry about from me,” he said holding up his hands in surrender.

“But yeah, I'm very glad you do see all of that in him,” he fixed Arthur with an intense look.

“Don't fuck it up or I will have to break something of yours,” he ended laughing and patting Arthur on his back before walking off.

Arthur turned to Merlin, eyebrows raised.

“He is... something.”

It was Merlin's turn to laugh, glad about Gwaine's departure. He was getting decidedly uncomfortable with the both of them being in such close proximity to one another.

He nodded.

“Thank you for coming,” he finally said, eyes fixed on his beer label he was slowly pulling off, unable to look at Arthur.

Before he knew what was happening however, a hand appeared just underneath his chin, forcing him to look up and then there was a mouth on his. He made a startled noise in the back of his throat before closing his eyes and concentrating on the feeling of Arthur's lips on his. Arthur's hand wandered from his chin to the side of his face, cupping it and slowly moving his lips against Merlin's.

And then, just as sudden as it had started, it was over.

Merlin opened his eyes and looked at Arthur's flushed face, took in his slightly panicked eyes and his quivering lip.

He had so many questions, so many thoughts in his head but he couldn't organise them enough to speak them out loud. He noticed Mordred standing just a small distance away from them, looking at Merlin murderously.

Arthur looked like he was about to say something but Merlin grabbed his hand and led him out of the house and down the street. Neither of them said a word until they were about a block away from Gwaine's house.

“I'm sorry, I panicked, Mordred, he had been following me and I was desperate for him to back off.”

Merlin nodded. Unable to comment.

“I told him that I was there with you and how the hell does he think it acceptable to still hit on me?”

Merlin nodded again, his ears ringing.

Arthur became more and more agitated by the second.

“Asking me what I was doing with you. First, it's none of his bloody business. Second, a simple 'no' should do the trick, who does he think he is to just simply discard all of that and still look at me like a hungry hyena?”

Merlin nodded once more and then there was silence.

They reached the bus stop and got on without saying a word to one another.

Before Arthur got off, he turned to Merlin.

“I am really sorry if I made you uncomfortable tonight.”

And with that he was off.

Merlin stared out of the window for the rest of the drive, unable to tell Arthur that it had been his first kiss. He always thought that he would have his first kiss after an elaborate love declaration. He always thought he would have a second or two to brace himself for what was about to come instead of catching up with there being lips on his halfway through. And the worst thing was that he had never wanted it to stop. He was sitting in a dirty night bus and couldn't control his longing to feel Arthur on him again. The trouble about the longing was that he wasn't sure if he was longing for any kind of kiss or for Arthur to kiss him again because he had looked so deliciously disheveled afterwards.

Merlin had known that pretending to be boyfriends would get him in trouble. He had no idea how to fix it.

 


	6. Chapter 6

_For a second, Sebastian was taken aback by the predatory look in Tom's eye. He took a step back every time Tom took one towards him until his back hit the wall. Around them, the electronic music was blaring and somewhere he could hear a glass shatter. He didn't even think about it. All he could think about was Tom and the way he had looked at him all evening. The way Tom's eyes were always fixed on him no matter how many drunk teenagers danced between them. Always there, always watching. Sebastian gulped when Tom was so close to him that he could count every single one of his freckles. Suddenly, fingers linked with his and Tom's lips were so close and then there was no space at all, when -_

 

“Hi.”

Merlin shut his laptop in a flash, turning around and looking directly in Arthur's face.

Arthur, who had kissed him almost a week ago.

Arthur, who had consumed Merlin's every waking (and dreaming) thought from then on.

Arthur, who hadn't really talked to him since then.

Arthur who grinned sheepishly at him and held out one of the two coffee cups he was holding.

 

“Thank you,” Merlin accepted the drink and indicated for Arthur to join him.

“What are you writing?”

Merlin studied Arthur, he seemed normal. Funny that, considering he had gone out of his way to avoid Merlin for days. Not answering his texts or calls... Merlin raised an eyebrow.

“Essay”

“On?”

“The importance of communication between human beings as to avoid misconceptions and anger.”

Arthur grinned at him but it was forced.

“Picked up on my not talking to you, huh...”

Merlin raised his second eyebrow.

“You think? When you get woken up every single fucking morning by an annoying Good Morning Text and suddenly you don't get them anymore, I'd say that it's fair to assume that the idiot sending them is avoiding you, wouldn't you say?”

Merlin had no idea where the anger had come from.

Well, that was a lie. He knew exactly where his anger came from. Arthur couldn't just kiss him (toe-curling as it was for Merlin), knowing full well that it would have been Merlin's first kiss and then just ignore him. That was just not on.

Merlin opened his laptop back up and wrote a couple of sentences to seem busy.

Arthur closed it back down.

“Hey,” Merlin protested but couldn't find it in himself to stay mad when Arthur looked at him with those huge pleading puppy eyes.

“I'm sorry,” he said with such sincerity that Merlin felt his heart tightening.

“I don't know why I did what I did...”

“Which part, the kissing me or the ignoring me because of it?”

Arthur looked more and more uncomfortable by the second.

“Both,” he admitted.

“You can make it up to me,” Merlin announced while putting away his laptop completely.

“Your little show was so freaking... convincing, that Gwaine wants us to go on a double date with him.”

Merlin was met with stony silence.

He busied himself with rolling up is charger, tucking it all away safely before he dared to look at Arthur. He was staring back at him wide-eyed.

“Arthur?”

That seemed to pull him out of whatever thought he was obsessing over and he focussed on Merlin.

“Double date?”

Merlin nodded.

He didn't need to tell Arthur that Gwaine had not suggested anything of the sort. Merlin just felt fed up with the situation and was thinking about Arthur way too much for his own liking. So he should get something out of it, right? Especially after the prat had ignored him.

“And you, you want that?” Arthur asked slowly, tentatively.

Merlin shrugged.

“To be honest, I'm not ready to explain why exactly we cannot make it.”

Arthur swallowed.

“So we are continuing to... fake date?”

Merlin raised an eyebrow, suddenly more and more unsure of himself.

“To be fair, you have been pushing me until I've said yes. You wanted this mess. Now you have it. Now you cannot leave me alone in it.”

Arthur sucked in a sharp breath and nodded.

“Alright, double date it is.”

Merlin was secretly relieved. Now all he had to do was to convince Gwaine of double dating and he could enjoy the feeling of someone being _his_ for another evening. Even if it was pretend.

If anything, he could always use the experience for his novel. He thought he was getting quite good at the romantic scenes in any case.

 

 


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone!  
> Important notice - the wonderful CallMeHopeless is going to be very very busy in the next weeks and probably months and won’t have a lot of time for writing, and because she’d hate to let you down and leave this fic unfinished, she asked me to finish it. I will do my best to carry that torch with honour and continue on the path she set and I hope you will enjoy it!  
> Whateverdude

Thankfully, convincing Gwaine to go on a double date with him and Arthur had been very easy and he hadn’t even asked a lot of questions when Merlin asked him to pretend that it had been his idea. “Seems like he doesn’t take you out enough!” was all Gwaine had said. 

Still, Merlin was very nervous when he got ready for the date a couple of days later. He really liked Arthur and wanted to look good for him, but of course, he also didn’t want to look like he had put a lot of effort into his appearance. 

Arthur was just doing this out of kindness, he had to remind himself. He was allowed to enjoy the pretense of dating, but he couldn’t let Arthur know about his developing crush. Alright, who was he kidding, it was far more than a crush by now. 

Merlin swallowed and looked at himself in the mirror, then changed his white shirt for a blue button down. A bit dressed up but still casual enough for a pretend double date. 

A check of his watch told him that he was now almost late, so Merlin quickly threw on a jacket and ran to meet Arthur, Gwaine and Elena. 

 

“Sorry I’m late,” Merlin said when he arrived at the Pancake House where the others were waiting for him. 

“That’s fine,” Arthur smiled and stood next to Merlin to press a kiss to his cheek. 

“If this was real, I’d have kissed you for real!” Arthur whispered in Merlin’s ear as they entered the building and Merlin had to do his best not to look too shocked. 

How could Arthur say something like this? Even if it was just pretending, this was almost too cruel, dangling the possibility in front of Merlin’s nose and then ripping it away. 

So Merlin just smiled at Arthur as they sat down with Gwaine and Elena and perused the menus on the table. 

“Oh honeybear, let’s share something,” Elena exclaimed excitedly and pushed her menu away so she could look at the options together with Gwaine. In doing so, she knocked over the salt and pepper shakers, and Gwaine looked at her fondly. 

“My little clumsy princess,” he cooed and Elena smiled at him shyly.

“I’m sorry, sweetheart, I will try to be more careful!” She said. 

“Are you ready to order?” A waiter had appeared and Merlin smiled at him, relieved that he didn’t have to bear witness to the cuteness anymore. 

Arthur ordered the Italian pancake, explaining that he “didn’t need any more sugar, he had all the sweetness in the world sitting right next to me”, while bumping Merlin’s shoulder. 

After Merlin had ordered for himself, his usual Nutella pancakes, and the waiter turned to Gwaine and Elena, Arthur once again whispered into Merlin’s ear.

“If this was real, I’d have ordered for you.”

Merlin swallowed and just smiled, so he didn’t have to answer anything. He wouldn’t have known what to say anyway.

 

Arthur’s remarks only got worse as the date went on and Merlin’s smile got more forced every time Arthur leaned in close to murmur something. 

“If this was real, I’d have fed you some of my pancake,” he said after he had put a piece of his food on Merlin’s plate for him to try. 

“If this was real, I would have used my tongue,” he smirked after he wiped a bit of syrup off Merlin’s chin with a napkin.

“If this was real, I’d have followed you for some alone time,” he remarked after Merlin got back from the men’s room.

Merlin never responded, because if he didn’t, he could ignore what Arthur was saying and simply enjoy being close to him. 

But even without Arthur’s comments, the date was bad enough because every time Gwaine and Elena were doing something cute, Arthur would try to do something even cuter. 

He put his arm around Merlin’s shoulder, asked the waiter to light the candle to make things more romantic, played with Merlin’s hair and by the time they were ready to leave, Merlin could have burst into tears because he wanted so much for it to be real. 

He was glad for every second he got to spend in Arthur’s company with him pretending to be madly in love, but Merlin dreaded the walk home, when he would once again be reminded that Arthur wasn’t his boyfriend. No matter how much he wanted him to be. 

“Merlin, are you coming?” Arthur asked softly and Merlin looked up. 

He had been so lost in his thoughts that he hadn’t noticed the others getting up and he quickly put on his jacket and followed Arthur outside. 

Arthur placed a hand on the small of his back, a light touch that drove Merlin crazy, and when Arthur leaned in close again, Merlin had to press his lips together as not to blurt out something embarrassing.

“If this was real, I’d hold your hand right now.” 

Arthur straightened his back and let go of Merlin to open the door for him, and Merlin did his best not to stare at him too longingly. 

Outside, Gwaine and Elena were locked in a passionate embrace and Merlin had to cough very loudly to get them to stop.

“Thank you for a wonderful time, it was a pleasure getting to know you better,” Arthur said smoothly and kissed Elena’s hand. 

In that moment, Merlin would have given anything to be that hand.

“Likewise, we should do it again some time,” Gwaine winked at Merlin and then he left with Elena. 

 

Merlin didn’t dare look at Arthur and only looked up when Arthur cleared his throat. 

“Well, I guess I’m leaving as well,” he said and Merlin shrugged. 

“Yeah, I guess. Gwaine and Elena are gone, no need to pretend anymore.” 

Arthur narrowed his eyes as if he wanted to say something but then he sighed and smiled. 

“Well, I’ll see you soon, alright? Unless you feel like you already have enough experience for your novel, but I still have several ideas!” 

Merlin nodded and moved towards Arthur, half hoping for a hug. Instead, he got a very manly pat on the shoulder. 

“See you!” Arthur said very quickly, turned around and left.

 

The entire way home, Merlin was fighting to hold back tears.


	8. Chapter 8

Groaning in frustration, Merlin closed his laptop and put his head in his hands. He was still getting nowhere with the romance scenes in his novel. And worst of all, he was constantly picturing Arthur and him as the characters even when they were supposed to look nothing like either of them. 

Merlin stood up and got himself a glass of water. Why couldn’t he stop wishing for it all to be real? 

Arthur was just too damn perfect and everything he did was driving Merlin crazy. Small touches that never lasted long enough, cute statements that were just well crafted lies, and that kiss…

Even though it had been over a week ago, and even though it had never been repeated, that kiss was taunting Merlin, laughing at him and making him feel worse about himself. 

He wasn’t sure how long he could go on like this. Having Arthur pretend to be in love with him was amazing and Merlin loved those moments, but the frustration of knowing that it would never be more than friendship was all too real. 

In that moment, his phone rang. Merlin checked the caller ID and sure enough, it was Arthur. It was as if he’d guessed that Merlin was thinking about him. But then again, Merlin was almost constantly thinking about him these days. 

Merlin took a deep breath to calm himself down and answered. 

“Hello?”

“Hey Merlin!” Arthur said, sounding incredibly cheerful. 

“Oh, hey Arthur. How are you?” Merlin rubbed his eyes.

“I’m wonderful, I just sent a really important e-mail and I’m feeling really good about that right now.”

“That’s… great, congratulations.” Merlin scolded himself internally, he was sounding like there was something going on and he didn’t want Arthur to pick up on it.

“Hey, are you alright? You sound a bit off today.” 

Damn.

“Uhhhh, no, I’m fine, don’t worry, just a bit tired.” That wasn’t even a lie, with all that thinking and dreaming about Arthur, Merlin didn’t sleep well these days.

“Oh,” Arthur said sympathetically. “The novel not going so well?”

“Not really,” Merlin answered truthfully. “I’m still a bit stuck and don’t know how to continue with my scenes…”

“Sounds like someone is in need of some more romance inspirations!” Arthur said, sounding even more cheerful than he had before. 

“No, you really don’t…” Merlin tried but Arthur was having none of it.

“I’m not taking no for an answer here, Merlin!” Arthur laughed. “I am nothing if not thorough, and I told you I’d help by showing you how it feels like to be wooed.”

“Yes, I know, but…”

“No buts, Merlin. From the sound of it, you’re free today, so let’s meet at the coffee shop in two hours?” Arthur sounded firm and Merlin just didn’t have the strength left to say no.

“Alright, Arthur.” He said, resigned.

“Wonderful! See you later, Merlin! Prepare to be wooed!” Arthur laughed again and then he ended the call. 

Merlin sighed and looked at his phone. Was it just his imagination or was Arthur suddenly even more enthusiastic about the whole wooing thing that at the beginning? After the kiss, he had seemed a bit reluctant to continue, but now he was almost too eager. 

Maybe he wanted to make sure to remind Merlin of it all being fake by being very over the top? So Merlin wouldn’t even begin to think of Arthur meaning it all? 

Yes, that had to be it. 

The wheels in Merlin’s mind kept spinning and spinning.

Arthur must have guessed that Merlin had started to develop feelings for Arthur, something much more than friendship, and he didn’t want to have to tell Merlin to back off, because he thought it might be awkward. But in turn, this made Merlin feel very awkward. 

If Arthur knew, then he would be careful with what he was saying and doing on their pretend dates, and then surely they wouldn’t even be of much use anyway, right? 

Merlin closed his eyes and slowly sat down on the floor when a realisation struck him. 

He had to break it off with Arthur. If only to protect both of them. To save Arthur from having to tell Merlin to back off. To keep Merlin from dreaming. To be able to give them both a chance at a real friendship. Though even seeing Arthur would be hard in the first couple of weeks. 

Tears welled up in Merlin’s eyes. He knew he had to do it but the thought of it alone made him sad. He had to do it today. Before their pretend date was starting, even. Otherwise, he’d never have the courage to go through with it and then it would all be too late. 

Still, the tears kept coming and Merlin sat on the floor, wiping the tears away with his sweater until his sleeve was damp and his eyes red. It was going to be a difficult day. 

 

Two hours later, Merlin was approaching the coffee shop with slow steps, already dreading what was to come. He once again reminded himself of the words he was going to say to Arthur and then, because he didn’t want to be caught loitering for too long outside of the coffee shop, he entered. 

As luck would have it, he immediately spotted Arthur sitting on a table in the back, his focus on two mugs of steaming coffee. On the table lay a beautiful bouquet of flowers and Merlin had to do everything not to burst into tears once again. 

He wiped away any moisture that might have gathered around his eyes and approached Arthur. When he was about five steps away, Arthur lifted his head and spotted him, and a wide smile spread across his face. 

“Merlin!” he said, making a move to grab the flowers. “I’ve…” 

“Wait. Don’t.” Merlin said very quickly and was probably too loud, because Arthur almost recoiled.

“Is everything alright?” His brows furrowed. 

“Yes. No.” Merlin started and then closed his eyes. This was going to be easier if he didn’t have to see Arthur’s face. 

“We need to stop this. This whole pretending to date thing. It needs to stop. It’s not working anymore.” 

“What do you mean it’s not working, I can try harder, I can…” Arthur sounded confused and almost desperate, but that was probably just Merlin’s imagination. 

“I still can’t find the right words for my scenes,” Merlin continued, cutting Arthur off. “And I don’t think you trying harder is going to fix it. I’m sorry that this was a waste of your time.”

“No, I’m sorry, I just... “ 

“Thanks for your help, but you don’t need to concern yourself with me any more.” Merlin finally dared to open his eyes and found Arthur staring at him with wide eyes. “I think this is for the best. Goodbye, Arthur.” 

Merlin turned on his heel, hoping he could make a quick exit, but Arthur got up and grabbed his arm. 

“Did I do something wrong? Come on, was I that bad as a pretend date?” 

Right. Arthur didn’t seem like the type to fail at something, of course he’d want to hear praise about himself and couldn’t even see the agony Merlin was in. 

“Don’t worry,” Merlin even managed a smile, he was very proud of that achievement,” you did nothing wrong, it just wasn’t working. For me.” he added, hoping that Arthur would finally let him leave. 

Right on cue, Arthur let go of him. “Oh. Right.” he said, sounding defeated and sad, and took a step back. 

He mumbled something that sounded something like “Of course he doesn’t even like me enough for a pretend date” but Merlin shook his head, that couldn’t be what Arthur was saying. 

“Goodbye,” Merlin managed to say more firmly than he expected of himself, with his hands already starting to shake and his lip quivering. 

He hurried away, almost breaking into a run and only daring to look back once he had crossed the street and deemed it safe enough to risk a glance at Arthur. 

Arthur was still standing at the table, now with the bouquet of flowers in his hands. He quickly turned around and handed them to a girl sitting on the table next to his with a smile and said something indecipherable. 

So that was how it was. Arthur sure was moving on quickly. Not that Merlin had expected anything else, of course, with him not meaning anything to Arthur, but it still hurt. 

 

Almost in trance, Merlin made his way back home and collapsed on his chair. 

He turned to his laptop and started writing, and the words came out as easily and as plentiful as his tears.


	9. Chapter 9

_“Don’t you get it? I’m in love with you, Sebastian!” Tom took Sebastian’s hand and held them gingerly. “And if you’re going to be happy with that jerk you’ve been flirting with these past weeks, then I will be happy for you. I just needed you to know.” “But…” Sebastian looked into Tom’s eyes. “You said you didn’t feel that way about me, remember? When we first met you said it was purely… physical between us! Nothing real!” Tom glanced downwards. “I didn’t realise how strong my feelings were. I wanted to protect myself but I feel I might have hurt us both and I am sorry.” “Well,” Sebastian smirked. “I won’t forgive you just yet. But,” he held up his finger when Tom wanted to interrupt him and simply continued speaking. “I will certainly not stop you from making it up to me. Thoroughly.” He slowly raised his hand to Tom’s cheek who smiled, relieved. “Even if I will spend my whole life making it up to you?” “Especially then.” Their smiles were as blinding as the sun as they moved towards each other and their lips met in a passionate kiss to the cheers of the entire room around them._

_The End._

 

 

Merlin’s fingers were resting on the keyboard, unable to let go.

This was it. After months and months of struggling, he had actually managed to finish his novel.

It wasn’t perfect yet, of course it wasn’t, Merlin already had at least three pages worth of notes on which sections to rewrite, but it was a complete story.

However, he didn’t feel nearly as good as he thought he would. If you had asked him a year ago what he wanted to do when he finally finished his novel, he’d said something like ‘throw a big party and celebrate’ or ‘everyone’s coffee is on me’, but now, he just wanted to crawl into bed and sleep.

After all, it was Wednesday afternoon and the sun was still up, he couldn’t just go to a bar and celebrate in the middle of the day. Or at least, he didn’t want to be the kind of person who went into a bar in the middle of the day.

So he’d have to wait a couple of hours, and then, he wouldn’t even have someone to celebrate with. Gwaine was out of town with Elena and wouldn’t be back until Friday.

His other plan wouldn’t work either, because ever since that day, when he had called off his and Arthur’s pretend-dating-situation, he hadn’t been back in the coffee shop. Not only out of fear of meeting Arthur again, but also because there were so many memories connected to this place that he wouldn’t have been able to concentrate on writing.

Merlin sighed. Even if Gwaine was in town, there was still only one person he wanted to celebrate with. But he hadn’t talked to Arthur or even seen him anywhere and he couldn’t just call him out of the blue now.

He looked at the document on his laptop and then deleted the last two words. Already putting “The End” there felt so final, and he really wasn’t ready to let his book go. For better or for worse, he had been changed by writing it, and it was too soon to end it.

However, there was no point in trying to start the editing process right away. He was allowed to celebrate somehow, and even if it was just sitting in bed with a giant tub of ice cream and watching a cheesy movie on Netflix.

And because Merlin didn’t even want to think of anything else, he did just that.

 

The next morning dawned bright and early, and for some reason, Merlin was feeling much better than he had the night before. Ice cream really could cure many things.

And then, because he was struck with a bout of courage and determination - and because he was craving a ridiculously overpriced hipster coffee, he ventured outside of his apartment and walked towards the coffee shop.

Okay, he was still muttering “You can do this” to himself as he got closer, and he had to take a deep breath before actually walking inside, but he was there, wasn’t he?

Trying to be as inconspicuous as possible, he looked around for a familiar blond head, but luckily, the only blonde heads were two girls in their twenties sharing a slice of cake.

Nevertheless, he made sure not to linger too much.

  
“Hey, I haven’t seen you in here in a while!” The cashier commented when he walked up to the counter and ordered his usual coffee.

“Yeah, I’ve just been busy,” Merlin smiled shyly. She had been serving him for months and had never really talked to him, so why was she trying to make conversation now?

“Oh yeah I bet, you’re always typing away on your laptop,” she continued while she was making his coffee and Merlin shifted around nervously.

The longer he was in here, the higher the chances of Arthur walking in, and so he just smiled and nodded, hoping that she wouldn’t try to actually continue the conversation.

Unfortunately, she didn’t pick up on this and continued talking.

  
“Not that I constantly watch you, I just tend to notice people who come in here at least five times a week, order the same thing and then sit at the same table for hours, and…” She bit her lip as she put the lid on his to go cup. “You did have that argument with that guy a couple of weeks ago.”

Oh no. There it was. Merlin had been telling himself that he needn’t beat himself up about having had the argument in public because they hadn’t exactly been loud, but apparently this girl had noticed. And now the memories that he had managed to suppress came flooding back and he knew he had to get out of there as fast as possible.

“Y-y-yeah, right that was me,” Merlin stammered and quickly fished a five pound note from his pocket. He placed the money on the counter and took his coffee so fast that he almost spilled it all over himself. “Um, I have to go now, thanks for making the coffee, bye.”

Merlin practically ran out of the shop and only faintly heard the cheery but slightly confused “You’re welcome, goodbye” that she shouted after him.

 

A couple of blocks away from the coffee shop, he stopped to catch his breath and finally took the first sip.

“Mmhh,” Merlin said to himself. The drink was still as heavenly as he remembered.

Just as he was about to start walking again, a bright purple flyer caught his eye.

“Dragonhead Publishing looking for new talent! Any genre acceptable, but dystopian love stories with a twist preferred” he read out loud.

That could be interesting! His novel was finished and editing would take him no longer than a week, and he was in need of a publishing company!

It felt a bit too good to be true, he had been preparing for a months-long search for suitable publishing companies and now he just stumbled over one looking for exactly what he could offer? And that the morning after finishing his novel?

  
Merlin contemplated it for a while and then decided to accept whatever fate had thrown him here. With a shrug, he took a picture of the flier and noted the provided e-mail address in a separate note, just as a precaution.

On the way home, he felt a slow and cautious smile spreading across his face and he felt better than he had in weeks. Maybe it was fate, maybe it was dumb luck, maybe this publishing company would turn out to be a complete flop, but Merlin found himself hopeful that somehow, the whole business with his novel would turn into something positive after all.


	10. Chapter 10

The day was beautiful. Too beautiful. Those were the downsides of having a beautiful office with huge glass window in a very tall building - there was no escaping the sun.

Arthur had closed the blinds ages ago, but the air was still a bit stuffy and the light was not the best for staring at a computer screen all day. He could already feel a headache coming along, the kind that could only be treated by a cool, dark room, a chilled drink, and preferably someone massaging his skull.

No. Arthur shook his head. The last thought was not one he wanted to have. He had ruined the best chance for this to be an option he’d had in ages, and it was not at all useful to waste his thoughts on anything to do with Mer…

Arthur sighed. His treacherous brain had produced the one name he really didn’t want to think of, and trying to get back to the really important e-mail that was open on his screen was now pointless. He could just as well go make some coffee until his thoughts had calmed down.

Thankfully, he didn’t meet anyone on his way to the office kitchen and the room itself was empty as well. Good. That meant that Arthur could make faces at the coffee machine as much as he liked, because it just wasn’t able to replicate the coffee from the coffee shop. He hadn’t been able to go back there, which was quite the inconvenience since it was only a couple of blocks from work and they did have the best coffee in all of London.

Usually, he was able to accept the subpar coffee produced by the - admittedly innocent - coffee machine at the office with just a small contraction of his face, but since he was already feeling a bit on edge, Arthur allowed himself to go all the way.

He pulled faces, made crude gestures and even grunted a couple of incomprehensible swears at the machine while the black liquid ran into his mug. And although it made him feel incredibly silly and childish, he noticed the tension leaving his shoulders and the headache getting slightly better.

However, his improved mood didn’t last for long because when he turned around with the cup in his hand, ready to walk back into his office, he was face to face with his co-worker Leon.

Damn.

“And what, if I might ask, were you doing with the poor coffee machine?” Leon asked with a smirk.

“Nothing,” Arthur replied. “I was merely encouraging it to be a bit faster so I can get back to answering my E-mails. Speaking of, I should really get back to them.”

“Nonsense,” Leon said and moved a bit to the side to stop Arthur from leaving the room. “You’ve been working non-stop for days, you can afford to take a break.”

Arthur grudgingly accepted and made his way to the small table in the kitchen.

“Also,” Leon continued, “don’t try to lie to me. We all know how much you hate this coffee machine.”

“I just don’t understand why we can’t afford a machine that makes drinkable, we’re a successful company and still have to put up with subpar coffee! It’s so bad that we go and buy coffee from someplace else when we entertain important clients!” Arthur had had this argument countless times but he still didn’t see the point in backing down. Of course, he was also too proud to just go and buy a better coffee machine himself, so it would forever be a pointless battle.

“Percy from Marketing once showed me an article that mentioned how bad coffee correlates to better working climate.”

Arthur scoffed. “That sounds like made-up bull…”

“Mostly because people need something to complain about, and if the employer provides an innocent ‘bystander’ for this, people gossip less and get on better.” Leon grinned, obviously satisfied with how the conversation was going.

“Are you quite finished?” Arthur snapped, perhaps a bit harsher than Leon deserved, but he couldn’t bring himself to care that much.

“I also couldn’t help but notice something.” Oh there it was. Leon had seemed way too smug the entire time. Arthur should have known he’d come to talk to him with an ulterior motive but it was too late to flee now. When had Arthur let himself become this distracted?

“You were in a rather good mood for a couple weeks, coming in to the office with something resembling a smile on your face. You were less on edge and less tense and there was something different about you.”

“The weather was nice and I got a lot of work done. That’s always satisfying.” Arthur lied.

“It was raining unusually often for this time of year.”

“This is London. And I happen to like the rain.”

“No you don’t, everyone here has witnessed at least ten of your rants about the bad weather within the last five months!”

Arthur was getting very annoyed now. Why couldn’t Leon just get to whatever he wanted to say?

He pursed his lips and stared at his coffee as if looking at it long enough could somehow make it better.

“If I had to guess,” Leon sat down across from Arthur and his voice suddenly changed from teasing to something more gentle and careful. Arthur straightened his back intuitively. “I’d say it’s got something to do with the coffee shop you went to before work. And after work. And sometimes during work.”

“Looks like you’ve figured me out,” Arthur said.

“Hold on, I’m not finished,” Leon still had that gentle tone in his voice and Arthur felt a cold shiver running down his spine. He couldn’t know, could he?

“Because I also think,” Leon hesitated a bit and avoided looking directly at Arthur, “that it was less the coffee and more the company. A certain dark-haired, tall, thin company with a laptop who always smiled at you, especially when you weren’t looking.”

Arthur froze, then opened his mouth, then closed it and clenched his jaw.

“I’m… I hope you don’t mind me bringing this up, Arthur,” Leon hurried to say, “but you’ve always been so closed off and even though I only walked past a couple of times by accident, you looked happier than I’ve seen you in years. And then something happened and I want to help you get back to being the guy who smiled, honestly and carefree, just for the sake of letting out his happiness.”

Arthur couldn’t bring himself to relax. He didn’t like talking about his feelings, not with anyone, and even if he wanted to, he could think of more enjoyable places than the office kitchen, in the middle of the day. However, there was something about Leon’s gentle tone of voice and his carefully selected wording that he might have rehearsed before that made him feel comfortable and kept him from running away, as he would have done with anyone else.

“Now you don’t have to tell me anything if you don’t want to, that’s fine, but I wanted you to know that you can talk to me.”

Leon shifted on his seat awkwardly and when Arthur didn’t react at all, cleared his throat and got up, intending to leave, but Arthur suddenly found his mouth moving.

“Wait,” he said. Leon turned around, eyebrows raised and Arthur made the executive decision to stop thinking about what he was saying.

“His name is Merlin,” he offered and was surprised how easily the name came across his lips. “And long story short we pretended to date for a bit because I was too scared to ask him out for real, and then I fell in love with him, but I think I might have been too obvious with my feelings for him and he broke it off.”

Leon slowly sat back down again and wordlessly motioned for Arthur to continue.

“Well,” Arthur took a deep breath to give himself the courage to go on, “it all started a couple of weeks ago when I first saw Merlin.”

As soon as he started, it felt like a floodgate has opened and everything, every thought he’d repressed, everything he’d wanted to say to Merlin, about Merlin and more, came pouring out of him like a waterfall of emotions. Luckily Leon, thank god for Leon, kept quiet and just let Arthur talk and talk and talk until he’d told Leon everything. Everything he did, every time he thought he’d been too obvious with his feelings for Merlin, everything he’d said when trying to not let Merlin know about his feelings, every time he’d gone home and spent the night dreaming of a future with Merlin, and how much he missed Merlin and wanted him back in his life. Even if it was just as friends, but Arthur couldn’t stand the thought of never seeing Merlin again.

When he was finished, Arthur put his head in his hands. He was so grateful that Leon had stayed there all this time and let him ramble on, and he made a mental note to treat him to lunch tomorrow.

“I completely ruined it, didn’t I?” Arthur finally managed to say and peeked at Leon through his fingers.

“I don’t think so,” Leon said softly.

“But what can I do to get him back? It’s all looking so hopeless.” Arthur was aware of how pathetic he sounded and he would probably regret letting himself go on like this in the very near future.

“Oh I don’t think so,” Leon said as a smile slowly spread on his face. “I think I have an idea!”


	11. Chapter 11

Was life really that easy sometimes? Merlin had never won anything worth mentioning! He’d never won the lottery, his raffle prizes had mostly been useless plastic toys and despite his long legs, he’d always managed to miss the podium at any kind of races in school. 

But now it seemed like Fate had decided to be kind and Merlin really couldn’t believe his luck. He’d sent in his finished and roughly edited manuscript just a week ago, expecting there to be tough competition and readying himself for weeks of waiting for an email. 

While he couldn’t really say anything about the competition, the waiting time had been much shorter. He’d received a phone call just five days after sending the manuscript, and now, he was sitting in the hallway of Dragonhead Publishing, about to meet his editor. 

Even though he hadn’t even been waiting for that long yet, Merlin was already really anxious that in the next moment, someone would come and tell him that this was all just a big joke, that his book was absolutely shit and that he’d never make it as an author, and that…

“Mr. Emrys?” A woman had appeared next to him with a clipboard and a kind smile. “If you could follow me, please.”

Merlin swallowed and discreetly wiped his hands on his suit trousers while he was walking with her down the corridor. Unfortunately, being of some kind of fancy material because he wanted to make a good first impression, they didn’t do much to dry his sweaty hands and Merlin kind of regretted not wearing his jeans. He’d feel a lot more comfortable in those and they couldn’t exactly expect a starving artist to wear proper fancy clothes, right? Most people in this office wore something he’d seen described as “business casual” in the girly magazines he liked to read in waiting rooms, so with a nice and clean pair of jeans, he might have fit right in. 

But then Merlin didn’t have more time to contemplate his choice of outfit because they’d stopped in front of a rather boring looking door. The woman knocked and then opened the door for Merlin, gesturing for him to enter while she closed the door behind him. 

 

“Mr. Emrys,” a deep voice greeted him and Merlin looked up to find a tall man with greying hair and yellowish eyes standing in front of him. He was wearing a gold jacket with a pattern that made it look like it was made of scales and had a pair of gold glasses on his nose. “It’s nice to meet you. My name is John Kilgharrah and I’m looking forward to working with you!” 

The man held out his hand and Merlin shook it while trying not to wince at the man’s rather long fingernails digging into his flesh like claws. 

“H-hello,” Merlin stammered, “it’s good to meet you too! Thank you very much for even taking me into consideration, it’s an honour.”

Mr. Kilgharrah made a dismissive gesture. “Oh, none of that, Mr. Emrys,” he said. “Your Book is very good, you can be proud of what you have written! Now, please take a seat, so we can start.”

Merlin hastily sat down, and willed his hands to stop fidgeting. He was still nervous but he didn’t want to let Mr. Kilgharrah know. That would be a bad first impression, and Mr. Kilgharrah oozed confidence, Merlin would have to try hard to match it at least in some way. 

The man in question had now pulled out a stack of pages and a red pen and cleared his throat.

“So I’m guessing that you’re not very familiar with the concept of an editor, so let me briefly explain how this will work.”

Merlin swallowed and nodded, not daring to say anything as it was absolutely true that he had no idea about the whole process. 

“The first step is already done - you wrote the manuscript and sent it to us, and we have approved it. Seeing as you are her, I am assuming that you are willing to work with us, am I correct?” 

Mr. Kilgharrah looked at Merlin expectantly, who nodded quickly. 

“Very well! In that case, I’ll ask you to go to our legal department after our meeting so they can explain the terms of your contract. You can of course take it home to read through it, but the sooner we sign, the sooner we can actually start.”

In his head, Merlin rolled his eyes. There was of course a chance that he was being screwed over rather badly here, but he had no experience with legal texts beyond standard employment contracts, and didn’t know any lawyers who could help him, so there was a very good chance that he’d agree to the contract right there and then. But he couldn’t allow himself to get lost in his thoughts, as Mr. Kilgharrah was already continuing to speak. 

“After you sign the contract, we’ll go through your manuscript and try to improve it. This isn’t to say that your manuscript isn’t good, but no one can just write something down and publish it like that. There are things to consider that you often don’t see yourself, logical errors, boring passages you don’t want to admit to, too two-dimensional characters, et cetera. We will make edits to your manuscript and talk them through with you so that it still remains your story but just to warn you, we might be ruthless.” 

Now, Mr. Kilgharrah took a couple of pages from the stack on his desk, stood up and handed them to Merlin. 

“Seeing as you’re new to this, I have taken the liberty to roughly edit the first couple of pages so that you can get an idea of how it’ll work.” He also got out a pencil and placed it in front of Merlin, before he continued, “I’ll give you a couple of minutes to go through the pages. You can take notes if you want to and then we’ll discuss it. Please be aware that this is not how it’s typically done with editing, but… we want to make you feel comfortable here, Mr. Emrys so see this as a trial run. If you decide you don’t want to work with us after all, you are free to walk away, but let me tell you that you likely won’t find another publishing house offering better conditions than us.” 

Mr. Kilgharrah grinned smugly and Merlin forced a smile on his face as well. 

“I’m going to get myself some coffee. Would you like something to drink as well?” Mr. Kilgharrah paused on his way out and raised his eyebrows. 

“Umm, some tea if you have it? With a splash of milk?” Merlin would have preferred to get a coffee but figured that he was already fidgety enough, and caffeine would only amplify that. 

Mr. Kilgharrah nodded and left the room. 

Merlin took a deep breath. He wasn’t sure what he had expected but it certainly hadn’t been this. Mr. Kilgharrah had been right - he knew absolutely nothing about how this business worked. He hadn’t expected to be treated this nicely and had prepared several arguments why they should still hire him, an unknown writer, but it seemed like they had already made up their minds. However, Merlin had told himself not to question everything too much. If the deal was a very bad one, he would hopefully notice when reading the contract and could still back out, but for now, he should act with the intention of accepting. 

Merlin ran a hand over his face, took yet another deep breath and started reading. To his surprise, he noticed that the comments Mr. Kilgharrah had made were all very helpful, insightful, and very much constructive criticism. Merlin was already rewriting the scene in his head, inspired by the editor’s words, and if the process was going to continue like this then he would gladly sign a contract with so many amendments, it could rival the US constitution. It was obvious that Mr. Kilgharrah not only had a very educated understanding of literature in general but also cared about Merlin’s book, the story, the characters, the message… not working with him was out of the question! 

 

“Like what you’re reading?” 

A voice appeared near Merlin’s ear and he nearly jumped out of his chair. 

“Mr. Kilgharrah, I am so sorry, I didn’t hear you come in!” 

Mr. Kilgharrah laughed and clapped a hand on Merlin’s shoulder. “Don’t worry, Mr. Emrys. If you’re are this engrossed in just superficial comments, I’m seeing this as a good sign. Or should I not?”

“No, you are absolutely right,” Merlin hurried to say, “I… I hope this isn’t a bad business practice if I say this outright but I would be honoured to work with you.” 

“Well it might not be usual but I, for one, am glad that you feel this way,” Mr. Kilgharrah grinned and Merlin had a hard time deciding whether he found that grin encouraging, happy, or intimidating. 

“In that case,” Mr. Kilgharrah continued, “I don’t believe we need to waste more time here. My assistant will take you down to our legal and human resource departments to get your contracts all set up, and I will get to work! Please refrain from making any hasty edits because you think I will prefer this or that, I will contact you soon enough so we can discuss the details.”

“T-t-thank you, Mr. Kilgharrah,” Merlin stuttered, as reality caught up with him and he realised that this was actually happening. “I am looking forward to everything!” 

“That’s very good, Mr. Emrys!” Mr. Kilgharrah said as he pressed a small button on his desk. “What you can do, however, is start thinking about a dedication. Many authors take months to decide on the perfect one, so I wanted to give you a warning a bit ahead of time.”

Merlin nodded. “Thank you.” 

In that moment, there was a knock on The door and the woman from earlier held open the door for Merlin with a cup of steaming tea on a tray, clearly already knowing where she was taking him. At another time, in another place, another reality perhaps, Merlin would have stopped to think about how unrealistic it all seemed, but right now, all he could think about was Mr. Kilgharrah’s words. 

The perfect dedication. Now that was something he could focus on until he could continue working on the actual book.


	12. Chapter 12

“So this was your Great Idea?” Arthur groaned when he entered the room and saw one of his father’s private detective’s sitting at the table with a notepad in front of him. “I won’t do this!”

“But Arthur, think about it,” Leon argued, “You need to talk to him to apologise and to make things right, but you’re going to have to find him first!”

“Oh yeah, right, that’ll be a wonderful conversation starter! Arthur what are you doing at my apartment and how do you know where I live? Oh, I hired one of my father’s private stalkers to find you so I could talk to you!” Arthur glanced at the man at the table. “No offense, this is mostly meant as an insult to my father.”

The man waved him off. “None taken. And you’re right, in a way, I’ve been labelled a stalker before.”

“Oh get out,” Arthur scoffed and stepped aside to let the detective leave, before he closed the door and crossed his arms. 

“Arthur…” Leon started but Arthur didn’t let him finish. 

“Yes, I do want to find Merlin so I can talk to him. And thank you for trying to help, but I really don’t want to do it like this!” 

“Don’t worry, I have a couple of backup ideas!” Leon grinned and pulled out his phone. “How do you feel about putting up flyers at the café?”

“Flyers at the café? How pathetic do you think I am? No, don’t answer that,” Arthur added quickly when Leon opened his mouth. 

“But if you don’t want to go out and find him yourself, you need to make him find you! And from what you told me, he probably won’t take the first step unless you show him that you miss him!” 

Arthur narrowed his eyes. “Do any of your ideas involve something other than stalking or any public statement?”

“Well I have one that is only a tiny bit stalking but I’m not sure you’re going to like it.” Leon glanced sheepishly at his phone. 

Arthur motioned for him to continue and Leon took a deep breath. “Well, remember how a couple of months ago, your father decided to branch out and to start a publishing company?”

Remember? The moment Merlin had started talking about his book, Arthur had begun gathering information about his father’s company, complete with example contracts and a list of people he could talk to. He had wanted to present his folder - yes, it was a literal folder waiting in his desk drawer - to Merlin once the other had finished his book. Other people had used him and his connection for their own personal gain in the past, and while Arthur of course didn’t expect Merlin to do that as well, he still wanted to be cautious and so he’d kept his folder a secret. If only to keep Merlin from thinking he was being forced to sign a contract. But now Arthur kind of regretted that decision, because maybe then Merlin would contact him for more information and then...

Leon cleared his throat and Arthur realized he was still waiting for a reaction.

“Yeah, I know, father’s publishing company. Go on.” Arthur said quickly.

“They’re actually having an event tonight, introducing a promising new author and lots of people from the business will be there. You could talk to them, inconspicuously mentioning Merlin’s name, or just asking them if they’ve heard about someone like him. It’s been a couple of weeks, he could have finished his book by now!” 

“And what do I do if no one’s heard of him? Or, worse, what if someone has? What do I do then?”

“If no one knows him, you can go to the next meeting and ask again. Or keep going back to the café, you think no one notices that you leave for over an hour every day and come back looking sadder than before, but we do.” Leon raised his eyebrows at Arthur pointedly. “And if someone knows him, you have a legitimate reason to contact him. Congratulate him about the book, and then say that you miss him and would like to meet. That’s totally not creepy.”

“It still feels like too much.” Arthur said, defeated. “It’s still me chasing after him, desperately trying to find him, being too obvious with my feelings, which is exactly what went wrong the last time!”

“At least consider it? They sent out information packages a couple of days ago, I think they even included that book they’re presenting. It should be on your desk somewhere.” Leon smiled in a way that was probably meant to be encouraging, but looked pitying to Arthur. 

“I’ll think about it.” Arthur quickly nodded at Leon so he wouldn’t see him roll his eyes and went back to his office. Where was the point? Merlin had already rejected him once because Arthur had developed feelings, feelings that were not reciprocated, so there was no way he’d react well to Arthur contacting him. Maybe he should move on. 

Arthur sat down at his desk, purposely didn’t glance down at the drawer with the folder full of information he’d gathered for Merlin, and continued working. 

 

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

 

“Does this make me look too much like a grandpa?” Merlin asked as he came out of his bedroom, wearing the fifth outfit of the afternoon. 

“Yes!” Gwaine and Elena exclaimed in unison. 

“Why won’t you let me pick out some clothes instead of us rejecting everything you’ve chosen?” Gwaine pouted. 

“Because I don’t want to look like I’m off to a kid’s birthday!” Merlin looked pointedly at Gwaine’s bright red trousers, his black T-Shirt with glitter all over it and his yellow jacket. 

“Don’t worry, babe, I like it!” Elena kissed Gwaine’s cheek and Merlin had to wave at them frantically to keep their attention. “Sorry, Merlin,” she giggled. 

Frustrated, Merlin ran a hand over his face. “I’m never going to find anything suitable in time, the event is in just under two hours!” 

“No one will care, you’re an author, you’re allowed to dress however you like!”

“You’re not helping, Gwaine!” Merlin shouted as he turned around and walked back into his room. He looked at the pile of clothes spread out on his bed, but nothing sprung out as being the perfect choice for an evening at his publishing company that was literally centred around him. Of course, that knowledge didn’t help at all in easing his anxiety about the event. 

There was a knock on the door and before Merlin could say anything, Elena had entered the room with a hand covering her eyes. 

“Are you decent?” She asked, and when Merlin quickly replied that he was, she removed her hand. 

“Oh wow, you have a lot of clothes for a not yet published author!” She exclaimed. “But come on, I’m sure we can find you something.”

“We’ve been through every possible outfit, I don’t think we’ll get far. Why didn’t I just rent a suit?” Merlin said, but Elena shook her head. 

“You know what was wrong with all the outfits you showed us? You didn’t feel comfortable in any of them.”

Merlin shrugged. Elena was right, but that was just how fancy clothes made him feel, he couldn’t help it!

“So I know neither of us wants to admit that, but Gwaine was right.”

“I heard that!” Gwaine shouted gleefully from the living room, and Elena smiled fondly. 

“He has his moments, right?” 

Merlin nodded. Gwaine was still his best friend, no matter how ridiculous he could be sometimes. Pretty much all the time, to be fair. 

“So. You’re an author. You’re not a big fancy publisher, not an executive, not a journalist - authors are often expected to show up in jeans and graphic T-Shirts!” Elena started to look through the clothes on Merlin’s bed and triumphantly held up a pair of dark jeans. 

“It’s still a fancy party! I can’t wear that!”

“Well obviously you can’t wear a T-Shirt with that. But…” She dived back into the pile and emerged with a clean blue shirt, “this should do the trick! Maybe with that nice brown leather jacket you bought last month, and don’t you have a red scarf? That’s both comfortable and fancy enough for a party! Not to mention I’ve heard you say how much you love that leather jacket.”

She held out the jeans and the shirt to Merlin, who took them. “I’m still not one hundred percent sure, you know!” 

“Oh just try it on. It’s not like you have that much time left to decide, anyway!” Elena winked at him and closed the door. 

Merlin looked at the clothes in his hand and decided to trust her for now. She did have a slightly better sense of fashion than her boyfriend, even though she, too, could often be found wearing every colour of the rainbow at once. 

When he put the jeans on, he immediately released a sigh. They were snug and very comfortable, and when he put on the blue shirt and the leather jacket dangling from a hook at the door and looked at himself in the mirror, his eyes grew wide. 

Merlin opened the door to the living room and Elena let out a squeal. “I knew it would look perfect!”

“Yeah, that’s the one! You look cool, Merlin! And that’s not something that happens every day, so that’s saying something!” Gwaine grinned. 

“Oh, wait,” Elena got up and handed Merlin his red scarf. “A bit more colour. And didn’t you say the logo of your company was red, too?”

“Yeah, and the cover of your book has red in it!” Gwaine snapped his fingers. “You’re so on brand, Merlin!” 

Merlin couldn’t help but laugh and with the support of his best friend and Elena, who he was also counting as a friend these days, he finally felt somewhat ready for what was to come. 

 

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

 

Arthur was so focused on the E-Mail he was writing that the knock on his door almost made him jump out of his chair. 

“Sorry,” Leon said. “I’m heading downstairs to that event now. It’s even happening in this building, so you have no excuse not to go.”

Arthur pointed at his screen. “I’m still not done for the day. And I haven’t even read the book they’re presenting, it wouldn’t make much sense for me to go.”

“Catch!”

Arthur instinctively caught the object that was thrown at him. It was a book, one that had been lying on his shelf, the cover a very nice shade of red with nothing but the title in swirling gold. 

“I know how fast you can read if you want to. Read the first two chapters so you have a rough idea of what’s going on and then come join me. I’ll even help you talk to the people so you can blame it all on me. We have no projects going on that require immediate replies.”

“Fine,” Arthur snapped. “But you better save me some champagne or I’ll fire our intern and make you do all the copying for at least a week!”

“There he is,” Leon grinned. “I’ll see you downstairs!”

Leon closed the door and Arthur glared at the book, as if he could set it on fire and still have an excuse not to go to the party. But then he hadn’t read a good book in ages, and if the company was putting together an event for a previously unknown author, and have him be the centre of attention for the entire night, it must have been a very good story. 

He opened the book and his eyes fell onto the dedication page. “If this was real, I’d tell you I love you”, it read. 

Arthur furrowed his brows. It did sound oddly familiar, but then again, this was just a regular book, and a run-of-the-mill dedication. No matter the tingly feeling he suddenly got in his chest. Arthur shook his head, leaned back in his chair, skipped straight to the prologue and began to read. 

 

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

 

“Sorry, who are you?” The man in front of the door of the big building looked down on Merlin as if he was a peasant trying to gain access to a party held at a king’s castle. 

“Uh…” Merlin stammered, feeling very intimidated that this event had an actual doorman with a fancy looking guest list, “I’m…”

“Ah, Mr. Emrys!” A booming voice exclaimed from behind him. “Don’t worry, he’s with me!” 

Mr. Kilgharrah put a hand on Merlin’s shoulder, his fingernails digging into his flesh like claws, and grinned at the doorman. 

“Sorry, Mr. Kilgharrah!” The doorman almost bowed his head and stepped aside to let them enter. 

Merlin couldn’t help but follow his editor, who still had his shoulder in a tight grip. 

“So, I’m glad you’re here, Mr. Emrys. We are all very excited to have you read for us later on!” Mr. Kilgharrah grabbed two flutes of champagne from a passing waiter and handed one to Merlin. 

“R-read?” Merlin was glad his voice sounded stronger than he felt, but he still looked around the room in a mild panic. “No one told me I was supposed to read!”

“Oh, didn’t my assistant e-mail you about that?” Mr. Kilgharrah shrugged. “Oh well, it’s your book, I’m sure you can find a suitable passage on the spot, right?” 

“Ummm…” Merlin said and Mr. Kilgharrah laughed. 

“That’s what I thought, young author. Now come, there’s some people I want to introduce you to before the speeches!” 

Merlin quickly drank the champagne so he could shake hands and pinch himself at the same time, hoping that this was just a nightmare from which he’d wake up soon. Declining Mr. Kilgharrah’s offer that he could bring a plus one had been a very bad decision, he would feel so much more comfortable with someone he knew by his side... His mind jumped to Arthur, who he actually hadn't thought of in days, but he quickly shook his head. Arthur was gone, and he had to get through things by himself now.

 

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

 

“No, that can’t be!” Arthur said out loud as he read the words on the page again and again. That couldn’t be. The author was describing one of his and Merlin’s conversations almost verbatim, but how could that be? 

He turned the book in his hands, trying to find an author, but none was listed, so he took to skimming through the book in the hopes of finding any information about the author. There! On the last page, there was a picture, but it was in black and white and so badly lit that one could barely make out a figure. But there was a small description next to it, and Arthur took the book with shaking hands, desperately praying that he would find what he was looking for. 

“This is Merlin Emrys’ first novel. He likes good coffee, nutella pancakes on double dates and the magic of the written word. He studies Literature and Creative Writing at Camelot university. Find him on twitter @thelastdragonlord!” 

Arthur read out loud and his heart skipped a beat. No, more like five beats. He stared at the page until the words started to swim in front of his eyes, and then he read the short passage again. 

It couldn’t be. All this time he’d spent searching for Merlin, and the answer had been right here, at his father’s company! If he’d just bothered to go to meetings for the publishing company like his father had requested, he might have found Merlin even earlier! His heart beating faster than ever before, he remembered the dedication and skipped back to the beginning of the book. 

There it was. “If this was real, I’d tell you I love you.” It hadn’t just been his imagination, this was a reference to what he’d said to Merlin on that double date with Merlin’s friend! 

Wait. Did that mean that Merlin actually liked him back? Arthur’s entire body was shaking as he thought about every time he and Merlin had met, trying to look at it from an outsider’s point of view. Maybe, just maybe he hadn’t been too obvious, maybe it was the opposite and Merlin thought Arthur had just been pretending, like they’d agreed in the beginning! Arthur mentally slapped himself. This was why he was so bad at feelings! 

“Come on, what are you waiting for?” A tiny voice in his head whispered and Arthur realized that it was right. Merlin was downstairs, just waiting for him, and if the dedication was true, he would be able to clear it all up in a matter of seconds! He shot up, didn’t even take the time to straighten his wrinkled clothes, and ran downstairs, to the party, to Merlin.

 

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

 

“It was a pleasure meeting you,” Merlin managed to say as he shook yet another Big Name’s hand, whose name he had of course forgotten the minute he had been introduced. 

“The pleasure was all mine, Mr. Emrys!” Big Name said with a wide grin. “I’m sure we’ll be hearing a lot more from you!” 

“You’re doing such a good job, Mr. Emrys!” Mr. Kilgharrah said and thankfully, he sounded pleased. Merlin let a small sigh of relief. 

“I think it’s almost time for our speeches, followed by your reading,” Mr. Kilgharrah announced and Merlin tensed up. Right. The reading. He still hadn’t managed to pick out a passage, because he was so nervous that he’d tried not to think about having to stand up in front of all these people. 

“Alright, let me get things ready and I’ll come get you in a minute. Don’t run off!” Mr. Kilgharrah said with a wink and disappeared into the crowd. 

Merlin glanced around. There were so many people, that surely no one would notice if he just ran off, right? He took another glass of champagne from a waiter and emptied it in one go. The alcohol wasn’t enough to make him drunk, not yet, but it settled his nerves somehow. He made his way through the crowd, pretending to have a destination in mind to keep people from talking to him, when he bumped into a man with curly hair.

“Oh, sorry, I didn’t see you there!” The man said with a friendly smile. 

“No, I’m sorry, I should have paid more attention to where I was going,” Merlin couldn’t help but smile as well. 

“Oh, where are my manners. I’m Leon, I work here!” The man - Leon - offered his hand and Merlin quickly shook it. 

“I’m Merlin. Emrys,” he said and watched the man’s eyes go wide. 

“Did you say Merlin?”

“Yes? Why?” 

Leon was about to reply when they were interrupted by Mr. Kilgharrah, who was standing on a small stage and was tapping on the microphone to get people to pay attention. 

“Ladies and Gentlemen!” he said and Merlin felt sick. This was it. He’d have to go up there and everyone would see him and would realize that he wasn’t special enough, that he didn’t deserve this attention, and …

“Merlin, are you alright?” Leon touched his arm and Merlin forced himself to smile and nod. He didn’t know who exactly Leon was working with and he didn’t want word to get back to Mr. Kilgharrah, or worse, his bosses, that he was having a minor panic attack because he had to stand on a stage for ten minutes. 

“I want to thank you all for coming tonight,” Mr. Kilgharrah continued, “to celebrate our most promising young author! Please give it up for Mr. Merlin Emrys!” 

People started clapping and then there was a spotlight on him and Merlin started walking to the stage, trying his best to keep the smile on his face. And then, when he was climbing the stairs to the stage and took his place next to Mr. Kilgharrah, a voice cut through the clapping. 

“Merlin?” 

 

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

 

“No you have to let me in, I’m..” Arthur was cut off once again by the doorman. 

“Look, I’m sorry, you need an invitation or be on the guest list, and you…”

“I’m Arthur Pendragon, this is my father’s company, and if you don’t let me in right this second, I’ll have my father make sure you never work here again!” Arthur snarled and watched the doorman turn pale. 

“I’m so sorry Mr. Pendragon, please forgive me, I…” 

Arthur ignored the man and pushed past him to find a room full of people in suits, holding champagne flutes, who were all clapping as someone moved through the crowd with a spotlight following them, but there were too many people for Arthur to see who it was. It was only when the person reached the stage that Arthur recognized him and before he could control himself, he’d already shouted Merlin’s name. 

The people around him looked at him amusedly, but Arthur only paid attention to the stage, where Merlin had frozen on the spot and was frantically looking around the room full of people. 

He can’t see me, Arthur thought, and immediately started pushing towards the stage. People started whispering, and he could see the chief editor of the publishing company, the one always wearing the weird expensive suits that looked like scales, gently pushing Merlin towards him and when Merlin finally spotted him, both of their eyes filled with tears. 

Then, Arthur finally reached the stage, and took Merlin’s hand, who pulled him up on stage.  
“I…” they both started and then laughed together.  
“I’m sorry,” Arthur began, “for not making clear how I felt. I was scared you wouldn’t want me, so I kept pretending and told myself that it would be enough for me.” 

“I thought you’d realized how I felt and wanted to make sure I knew it was all just pretense because why should someone like you ever like someone like me!” Merlin looked down but Arthur softly cupped his cheeks and tilted his head back up. 

“This is real, and I love you,” he said. 

Without either of them noticing, this was the exact same moment Mr. Kilgharrah had put the microphone near enough to their heads, that Arthur’s words were amplified and the entire room heard them. They all cooed and some clapped or whistled, but Arthur and Merlin didn’t care, because as soon as Arthur had spoken, Merlin had tilted his head up and kissed him, right there, in front of everyone else. They kept kissing, while Mr. Kilgharrah stepped in front of them and gave a short speech with several, probably embarrassing references to what was happening next to him on stage, and while someone gently led them off the stage and Mr. Kilgharrah himself read a passage from Merlin's book. 

And neither of them cared because they were done pretending. And they were happy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So there we go, this is the end (a couple of months in the making)... I hope you enjoyed reading and thank you for following xx


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